4 Home Science Experiments that You Can Do While Apologizing To Your Wife

January 8, 2022

Did you mess up badly with your wife? Like, really badly? Try doing one of these charming science experiments while you’re begging her to put the keys down and remember that you two love each other.

Create a Volcano with vinegar and baking soda

Nothing says “I’m sorry honey, please take me back” quite like a liquid explosion in your kitchen. Just like your partner’s anger, you can watch the bubbles build up, explode in a cathartic release, and then settle peacefully all over the place (I’m sure she’ll get the analogy). And afterwards, you can clean up after yourself to prove that you’re still useful. Bonus!

Crush a can with air pressure

Imagine this: you’re your wife. You’re pissed off beyond belief since your husband decided to see an improv team that performs weekly instead of going to your anniversary dinner. He’s finally back, and you storm into the kitchen, ready to lay into him for what feels like the thousandth time. But there’s your husband, holding an empty coke can with a pair of tongs. You stare into his puppy-dog eyes as he lowers the can into a bowl of hot water, and as the can collapses you realize how crushed he is over his mistake, and your anger melts away. That’s the best-case scenario. It could also go way worse than that, but, you know, hedge your bets?

Repel glitter with dish soap

Alright, full disclosure: this one’s more for you than it is for her. Watch in contemplation as a drop of soap pushes the glitter to the edges of the bowl. Maybe this can be a moment of meditation, as you stare into the perfect circle of water and glitter before you. Voila, you’ve figuratively and literally carved out a moment of zen in some truly turbulent times. Just try not to think about the fact that your wife might be getting more pissed off by your ignoring them to make a bowl of glitter dance - it will get in the way of the meditating.

Write with invisible ink

Sometimes the written word is more powerful than the spoken word, and what written word is more powerful than one you can’t see? …Actually, you know what? This one is terrible. If I were your wife and you handed me an apology in the form of a blank sheet of paper, I’d lose my shit. Fuck me, this would definitely make everything so much worse. Damn. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. Definitely ignore this one.

God, these all suck. I don’t know what you should do. Maybe don’t mess up so bad next time?