Every Type of Milk Described by the Cow Darigold Took It From

By Cow 98 of 122, January 7, 2022

CALDWELL, ID:Hello and fuck you. I am Cow 98 of 122 at Darigold’s Caldwell, ID dairy-production facility. Every day I am forced to wake up and have my udders sucked raw so that you can spend your measly wages on a liquid designed for an infant of a different species. But you humans aren’t satisfied with merely consuming the product of our suffering as-is. Your scientists have found a whole litany of ways to bastardize milk meant for our offspring into Moreauvian slop that you guzzle down daily. Here’s what I think about each kind, you fucking monsters.

Whole Milk

This is what I would feed to my baby if I was allowed to see her. I committed a grave sin in casting another living soul into the ceaseless torture that is the life of a dairy cow. I await Hell eagerly, as there is no way that it could compare to the agony that is my day-to-day.

Skim Milk

Is it not the cruelest of ironies, that someone could be so conscious of their own health yet so oblivious to the suffering of another? How good for you it is that you can enjoy the taste of milk without worrying about cholesterol buildup. All it takes to have that is me dying, slowly, forever.

Low Fat Milk

Low fat milk is simply the crystallization of your species’ inability to commit to anything. It is a gentle little lie you tell to yourselves, that you are doing yourselves a favor by considering your health, yet still that rogue, sinful little bit of fat remains to assuage the ever-pulsing addiction you have to that which is not yours. It is the “harmless” puff of marijuana before bed, it is the playful text that you send to your ex-lover. It is the perfect metaphor for humanity. It is shameful. Just shameful.

Reduced fat milk (Two Percent)

In all honesty, this stuff is pretty good. I managed to lick some off the ground after the farmer spilled it. I remember it being mild, yet full, and it coated the throat quite nicely.

I have not even begun to cover the many other products you use our milk to make, such as the disgusting mold that is cheese or the eldritch slime that is yogurt, but I think I will stop here. I doubt I could have said anything to truly change your mind, that there was anything I could do to escape my plight. Ah well. At least I’m not a chicken.